21 Mar It’s Easy to Get Caught Up in What Everyone Else Thinks
Q: I’ve been feeling like a failure because I haven’t been able to live up to everyone else’s expectations. I haven’t even considered what my expectations are because they are centered on everyone else’s. I am so tired of trying to be everything to everybody. What can I do?
Balance is the key! Finding balance was difficult for me at first. I used to be someone who liked everyone to get along and be happy all the time. I thought that maybe by being really easygoing and by doing what was asked of me, there would be no conflict. However, this was not the case. The major conflict that bubbled up was the one within me. I realized that people were beginning to see me as a ‘pushover’ rather than as easygoing. I also learned that people don’t respect those who are ‘wishy- washy’ with their beliefs and actions.
It’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else thinks, wants and expects from you. When you are not clear about who you are, it’s easy to do things you don’t want to do and to become what everyone else wants. When this happens you are taking other people’s life journey not your own.
There is a song lyric by a singer named Ricky Nelson that says:
‘You can’t please everyone, so you gotta please yourself.’
It sounds selfish, but when you try to please everyone, all you have really accomplished is feeling that you have failed them and yourself. You will realize that you have spent so much time and energy doing things to please others that you have no time left to do what you’re passionate about.
If you’re not taking care of yourself and showing yourself love and attention, not only will you end up getting burnt out, you will soon feel resentment, bitterness, anger and frustration which are detrimental to your mental well-being.
Creating boundaries and taking a stand for what you want and for what you believe is an essential step towards helping you create balance within yourself. Take time to have quiet moments – journal, take long walks, sit quietly in your room. Pay close attention to your thoughts. Instead of deciding to go along with what others expect of you because you are afraid of what people will say and think, really listen to what you want, so that you can become clear on what defines you.
A fun activity that will help you clarify what it is you want for you and your life is creating a UPower Map. I make a new one every year. Click here to download the instructions.
Until next time……