Taking Your Pain Out on Others Is Not OK

My dad’s business isn’t doing very well. We had to move *same school just a different house* I was so upset that I started crying at school and I told the teacher what was going on. Even though I felt a bit better I am still upset. I have been lying and hurting my friends’ feelings and I feel really bad about it. I never mean to do it but I feel like the sadness I am feeling is making me do hurtful things to others. What can I do to not be sad and hurtful?

Answer:

It’s hard to accept changes in our lives, especially when we don’t like them and we have no choice in whether or not the changes happen. Life is constantly changing and we all experience it in different ways.

It’s natural and okay to feel upset about the changes you are experiencing, but to take that pain out on other people, is not okay. Recognizing that you have been mistreating others, and yourself, is the first step to changing that behaviour. When I look back at the times that I have done or said something hurtful, it can all be traced back to one reason – I was unhappy with myself or my life in some way.

Let’s look at how you can move through painful changes to a place where you will find happiness once again.

I am a huge fan of journaling. I find writing very helpful.

Using a journal, notebook or paper, start writing your thoughts and feelings. Be real with yourself. Allow yourself to be open and honest. It may seem easier to ignore your emotions and push them away, but in the end, that will only cause more pain. It’s important to release your emotions in a healthy way and writing about them does just that. Mental health is so important. Keeping emotions all bottled up is not good for your mental or physical state. It eats away at who you are and your ability to be happy.

Just start writing – even if your first few lines are, ‘I was told to write in a journal but I don’t know what to write.’ After you have written this a few times thoughts will start flowing and when they do, start writing about the following:

Your feelings about:

  • Your Dad’s business not doing very well
  • The move and what that means to you
  • Mistreating your friends

There are many ways, other than writing, to help you release and move through emotions. Having a plan of what to do with your emotions will be very helpful in allowing you to move through them. Make a list of ways that you could use to release your emotions is a healthy way.

Some examples that I gathered from other students are:

HealthyWays700

After you have allowed yourself to feel and move through your emotions, apologizing to your friends is the next step. It will make a difference, not only to them, but you as well.

Apologizing can be hard. Sometimes we’re afraid of feeling embarrassed, but by confronting your fear and doing it anyway, you will feel proud knowing that you had the courage to admit you were wrong.

If you’re thinking it will be too hard or embarrassing to talk to your friends face to face, write them a letter sharing your thoughts, feelings, apology and where you see the future of your friendship going. Share the new choices you are willing to make, so that your friends see that you will not be taking your pain out on them anymore.

Whether they accept your apology or not isn’t up to you, but knowing that you did whatever you could to make yourself, your life and friendship better, is a choice to feel happy about.

Maybe, by going through this experience with your friends and by being open with them, it will help create a stronger bond of friendship.

We all experience change, but it is how we choose to handle it, move through it, and embrace it, that shapes how our lives play out.

‘So now I’ve changed my thoughts around. Tired of feeling down. Decided to make a new choice So now you’ll hear a strong voice. I am going to fly.’ – lyrics from my song ‘Used To’

Until next time…

P.S. Check out my blog post on:

Accept That Change Happens



Build Confident, Resilient Young People

Subscribe to my newsletter and receive a free, exclusive 10 page UPower mini journal.

I am a...

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Get Your Free Copy Of The UPower Map Instructions

 

Enter your email below for instant access and to be added to the UPower biweekly newsletter on building emotional intelligence skills in youth.

I am a...

Success! Check Your Email For Your Download.